You know what?
I can get over the loss of self-worth. I will overcome the loneliness. I look back, and already I see that the worst is behind me; I cannot connect with those sobs that so recently were uncontrollable. I am not the woman who, a few weeks ago, would be swept by a sudden and irreversible need to cry - I no longer have to run to the bathroom a couple of times per shift just to give myself room to breath again.
I will get over it.
But there is one thing I don't think I'll ever reclaim, and it's a damn hard thing to give up.
My favourite book.
He became my Rhett Butler.
This book, this story that I have adored since I was innocent enough not to see the inherent racism. A book I re-read at least once a year, a book that is at once a duvet of comfort and yet still a call to arms.
I didn't realise until the last minute that he lacked that essential redeeming feature; loving Scarlet.
To me, he is Rhett - clever, ruthless and oh-so-cool. I cannot read my favourite story without putting him centre stage.
That - more than ruining the future that I had planned, more than dashing the excuses that I drew for my past - That. I cannot forgive. The rest I will re-write, such is human nature. But GwtW? That was sacred, and you sullied it. There are no words.
Thursday, 29 August 2013
I re-read Memoirs of a Geisha while I was making this. I was 14 when I last read it, but that is no excuse for my utter failure to notice what a bitch Sayuri is to Nobu. Seriously? When it's convenient, she's all big fluttery geisha eyes and 'oh, save me form the bullies Nobu' or 'Oh, hide me from the war Nobu' and then when, after years of merciless flirting and abuse of wiles he finally decides he might make a move? Oh no, how could he, what a monster - better shatter his trust and stomp on any confidence he may have managed to build up.
So, safe to say I completely ruined my memories of that book. I should know better than to re-read a love story I enjoyed in my teens I suppose. Now, can you imagine how today's youth are going to feel in a decade when they re-read Twilight....
The new-years-resolution knitting is coming along slowly. Very slowly. I have yet to advance to any increasing or decreasing, so everything I make is a variation on a straight line.
That said, this is my first non-garter stitch project! It has a distinguishable front and back side!
The fact that I decided I preferred the back to the front and ended up sewing it up inside-out on purpose should in no way distract from the wonder that is stocking stitch...