Tuesday, 6 November 2012

The Cunningness of Hats

This is Heather. As you can see, Heather likes stupid hats (seriously, that pom-pom is nearly as big as her head). I am in complete agreement with her about this - stupid hats are brilliant things*.
Maybe this is not true for everyone - maybe stupid hats are only brilliant for a small subset of humanity which I happen to fall into. So I shall try to explain:
 a) It is impossible to become pompous, even when talking about strongly held moral positions, while wearing a stupid hat.
b) Likewise, it is impossible to become apocalyptically angry about things you can have no (or very limited) effect over whilst wearing a stupid hat.
Clearly stupid hats are an excellent method for the regulation of the emotional state of individuals who may otherwise be susceptible to these excesses. Eg, I am watching the US election campaign on it's final role home, and simultaneously wearing a my preferred entirely ridiculous (albeit very cunning) hat. The stupidness of the headwear offsets my tendency to fly into a blind and fruitless fury at just about everything every candidate says.
Or at least it dampens the wrath enough that I don't scare the cat.

Further arguments in favours of stupid hats;
- Whilst wearing a stupid hat, when strangers look at you funny you have something to blame.
- If your hat is stupid enough it can ensure that no one sits next to you on the train
- Stupid hats encourage the development of stupid walks
- Let's face it, sensible hats are rarely very good at keeping heads warm (they don't have enough wool and fur going on usually -  and they never have ear flaps).

So, you see, stupid hats really are an important. Only, I do hope that the normal people never cotton on, because if Topshop et al start selling them, then they'll stop being stupid and start being 'trendy' and thus will loose all their superpowers.

My favourite stupid hat, done entirely on purpose.
*Only if you know it's stupid while you wear it. Unknowingly wearing a stupid hat is just a bit tragic really. As evidence I cite those two royal princess sisters (or whoever they are) at Will & Kate's wedding - you know who I mean, the ones who glued pretzels onto their foreheads. That would have been brilliant, if only they'd of done it on purpose.

3 comments:

  1. Now I don't feel so self-conscious about wearing my aluminum foil helmet!

    Great idea about the ear flaps, I will add them immediately...

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  2. Is there a pattern for this ear hugging hat anywhere?

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    1. I'm afraid I didn't make my hat - but you should be able to find a pattern easily enough, they are such a cult hit

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